Crossed off: Experience #2: Attempt the Beau Jo’s 2-man pizza challenge

This post is long overdue, and I apologize for that fact.

On Saturday, January 29th, my friend Drew and I attempted the legendary Beau Jo's two-man pizza challenge. Both of us had been itching to try this one for a long time, and we were happy to have each found a partner. It should be noted that the goal we had in mind was to attempt this challenge rather than actually successfully complete it. The reason for this is that the challenge consists of two people eating a single fourteen and a half pound pizza in one hour. The prize for winning is $100, t-shirts and a photo on the wall (and not having to pay for the pizza).

Realistically, I didn't think I could do this without killing myself in the process, but I remained optimistic. In preparation, I ate a number of large meals leading up to Saturday in order to stretch out my stomach, and exercised quite a bit that day to work up an enormous appetite

On the way to the restaurant that evening, Drew explained that he had done some calculations. Given that the average Chipotle burrito weighs in at around a pound and a half, we would each have to consume the equivalent of more than four Chipotle burritos to successfully complete the challenge.

Ouch.

We arrived at a relatively empty restaurant, nervous for the challenge that awaited us (it should be noted we elected to do this at the Beau Jo's location on Colorado Boulevard in Denver rather than at the original Idaho Springs location, as we felt that driving back over mountain roads with seven pounds of pizza in each of our stomachs would be a bad idea).When the servers brought the pizza out, I was surprised to say the least.

That, my friends, is a big pizza.

It's hard to describe just how big a 14.5 pound pizza actually is, and the pictures unfortunately don't really give an idea of the scale of the thing. The servers were nice enough to weigh it and it was, in fact, as heavy as they claimed. When cut into eight slices, each slice constituted more food than a Chipotle burrito.

Without much delay, we decided to hop right into it. The timer was set for 60 minutes and we were off. 

At first, it was pretty great. Drew and I are both big fans of Beau Jo's pizza, and here we were eating a whole boatload of it. The servers had recommended eating the meat & cheese section of the pizza first and saving the crust for last, so we plowed our way through the first half of the pizza pretty quickly. Within about ten or fifteen minutes, we had only a half pizza plus the crust from the second half left to go. We were feeling pretty good.

At this point, my body was starting to respond poorly to the massive amounts of salt and grease I was pouring into it, so I decided to mix it up and work on the crust from the first half of the pizza. As it turned out, this was much harder to eat than the rest of the pizza. If you've ever had a Beau Jo's pizza, you know how massive the crust is, and the size of this particular pizza only made things worse. Beyond that, the crust has become incredibly dense, as the pizza was compacted when it was cut. I found that the best method of eating the crust was to soften it up with a little bit of water, but that only worked for so long. 

After working through the crust for a while, my mouth started responding strangely to the monotony. My taste buds started picking up strange peppery flavors, which, when combined with the honey I chose to put on the crust, became unpleasant pretty quickly.

While attempting to get through the block of crust left from the first half of the pizza, Drew and I both hit a wall. Our stomachs had filled to capacity. 

As time dragged on, our pace slowed to a crawl. I would try putting more food in my mouth, but it would reject it, involuntarily spitting it out.

By the end of the challenge, a number of our friends had dropped by to cheer us on, a fact that both of us appreciated greatly.

Regardless, as the end of the hour approached, we began to accept defeat. We decided that in the end, we felt better about ourselves for not being able to finish than we would have if we had been able to finish.

Time ran out, and the final weight of the pizza was measured:

We had made it halfway through. Not bad.

Beyond that, neither of us threw up, which was a plus. The drive home was a bit of a struggle in this regard, but we both made it back incident-free.

The next day, I made the ill-advised decision to have the leftovers for lunch. 

One of the smaller pieces, taking up an entire pizza pan.

I managed to make two meals out of it: Lunch from the pizza and a sandwich from the crust for dinner.

For the next several weeks, I felt awful. My breathing felt more labored and I wasn't able to exercise. I'm reasonably sure I could feel the blood struggling to flow through my mostly-clogged arteries.

Would I recommend doing this? Probably not, but I'm glad I did. If I had to do it over again, I think I'd work slice-by-slice, crust included, for the sake of variety.

A big thank you goes out to Drew for having the courage to do this with me.

In progress: Self improvement #2: Take a vow and keep it

Starting today (ash Wednesday) and continuing through Easter, I've decided to take a vow of sobriety. The reasons for this decision are numerous, but they can be summarized as follows:

1) I feel lately that I've been too dependent on alcohol to have fun.

2) Some of my friends have told me on multiple occasions that they like me better when I drink. This bothers me.

3) Alcoholism runs in my family. If I can't go 40 days without a drink, I have cause for concern.

Of course, next week I'll be venturing on a road trip with four other friends that will include a stopover in Las Vegas.

I guess it wouldn't be much of an accomplishment if it weren't a challenge.

Crossed off: Skills #7: Brew Something

Note: To say that I've been slacking in updating this blog would be an understatement. This is going to be the first of three posts of things that I've completed since my last update, some of them quite some time ago.


A big thank you goes out to my good friend Greg, a fellow beer enthusiast who was the main catalyst in helping this goal come to fruition.

I'm not entirely sure where the desire to complete this goal first came from. Maybe it could be traced back to the brewery tours I've done. Or maybe from hearing a lot of friends talk about their home brewing experiences (it's seriously an enormous deal in Colorado). Maybe it's just the promise of one day being able to brew a beer that's uniquely catered to my own taste. Maybe it was the failure of my one previous attempt at brewing: Peanut coffee.

This happened.

Regardless, Greg and I picked up our brewing supplies from The Brew Hut in Aurora, which just so happens to be attached to my favorite mircobrewery, Dry Dock (check them out here). We decided to go with an extract brew, the simplest method of beer brewing. It was the first time brewing for both of us after all. (Peanut coffee doesn't count.)

The first step was to sanitize everything. Equipment. Counters. Tables. Everything. We probably spent as much time sanitizing as we did brewing. Once that was done, we could move on to the meat of the matter.

Rather than laboriously describe the process, here are some photos:

The brew pots.

The bag of grains.

Adding the grains

Brewin' up some wort.

Adding the malt extract.

Greg pitching the yeast.

Checking the specific gravity.

After a week-long period of primary fermentation and settling, the beer was racked (siphoned) off of the spent yeast into a container for secondary fermentation. After another week there, it was racked again into a bottling bucket, priming sugar was added, and the beer was put into bottles for conditioning.

Overall, we ended up with about 40 bottles of beer.

After a couple of weeks of bottle conditioning (during which the carbonation develops and the beer clarifies), it was ready to be tested. And just in time for my birthday:

Cheers.

The result? Not bad for our first go. A respectable brown ale.

Greg and I are already planning what our next beer is going to be. I was advocating for something with cilantro in it. Mainly because I'm out of my mind. Greg Vetoed. I'm sure we'll agree on something soon. A hefeweizen, perhaps?